Elo mostly corresponds to my willingness to preserve a film over another, in an absolute sense. Mostly, only because I initially judged by which film I thought was best, but found that the more difficult question. I did attempt to correct those earlier judgements to the newer system.
My first star ratings system was developed to encourage useful Netflix recommendations. It went like this: 5—perfect, 4—I liked a lot about it, 3—I liked at least one thing about it, 2—I didn't like it, 1—I hated it. A 1 usually implied I didn't finish the film. That system was very clear and straightforward, but eventually it became apparent that two unfavorable categories was too granular (for a casual viewer, such films would be avoided).
My current system uses the four familiar and straightforward buckets with bad categories merged, but expressed as 0-3 stars. Elo is in flux, recently added films have fewer comparisons.
dateelo
title
Nymphomaniac: Vol II (2013) Elo 85
It's a slow deconstruction of being. Losing parts of oneself and discovering new ones, a consequence of living. When you are nothing for anyone else, you are still enough.
Rocky (1976) Elo 84
Donnie Darko [Director's Cut] (2001) Elo 82
Independance Day (1996) Elo 79
The aliens are aggressive and have made up their mind. Defeating them must buy some time, at least. Let's broadcast this fantasy to the cosmos.
Jurassic Park (1993) Elo 71
Alien: Romulus (2024) Elo 68
It's Alien, and there's nothing wrong with that. A badass and sexy heroine is all-too human, risking her life for her companions, including the android she calls brother. In a desperate fight for survival against the perfect creature, death abounds, and destiny chooses the last survivor. Drenching sweat, spurting blood, shredded and gaping skin, all contextualized by spectacularly detailed celestial vistas, serve as deeply immersive sensory touchpoints. Incredible.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) Elo 68
“Because I wanted to redecorate. You know, a couple of throw pillows, a TV news reporter. What do you think?”
Ghost in the Shell (1995) Elo 67
Nymphomaniac: Vol I (2013) Elo 66
Nosferatu (2024) Elo 65
The monster's shadow casts a long spell, beguiling the minds of the vulnerable. The child's innocence lost, she grows to know the depth and exploitation of evil.
“O'er centuries, a loathsome beast I lay within the darkest pit. Till you did wake me, enchantress, and stirred me from my grave. You are my affliction.”
The Human Centipede (2009) Elo 64
“Oh, my sweet centipede.”
Prometheus (2012) Elo 62
It just had to get weirder. At least we're impregnated with eldritch squids and not slenderman with tails. The parallels to Blade Runner are striking. One wonders at the questionable retcon introducing such diversity in species, somehow reduced to the xenomorph in the later story.
The Patriot (2000) Elo 62
The House That Jack Built (2018) Elo 57
Through destruction, creation. A man unmade himself. Do the ramblings of a psychopath mean anything? Are they coherent? Perhaps not, but perhaps that chaos of the mind imbues within even the disciplined artist some disposition to chase the beautiful.
Batman Returns (1992) Elo 56
“Eat floor. High fiber.”
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) Elo 49
Striking collages evoke an overwhelming tale, harkening the monster's shadow, a duel companion. Everything is eerie and disorienting. Blood abounds. A lost love feels real, finally.
Ghostbusters II (1989) Elo 47
Heroes walk lonely paths.
Léon (1994) Elo 47
Batman (1989) Elo 42
Alien [Theatrical Cut] (1979) Elo 42
Barbarella (1968) Elo 41
Dripping with psychedelia, Barbarella's accidental sensory adventure has the coolly-costumed heroine drifting between states of bliss and easy resolve. A feast for the eyes, and so is the film.
The Conjuring 2 (2016) Elo 39
The little one is the most vulnerable and the big one must sacrifice everything for her.
The film is stunning, flooded with gripping moments and beautiful effects. The Warrens witnessed flying furniture crashing against walls, then film of a girl throwing plates disproves to them of her possession—it's both illogical and out of character. The final sequence, the glass exploding, shredding the little one's face, opening a yawning portal to death; there were no excuses then, and practiced love lead the way.
Martyrs (2008) Elo 39
Toy Story (1995) Elo 38
The Witch (2015) Elo 32
People are sin. The witch has all pretense stripped away and nothing left but to admit her own power.
“He hath taken us into a very low condition to humble us and to show us more of His grace.”
Gladiator (2000) Elo 31
“Marcus Aurelius is dead, Maximus. We mortals are but shadows and dust.”
Aliens [Director's Cut] (1986) Elo 31
American Beauty (1999) Elo 28
Maybe you should do what you believe and sow no regret.
“When you see something like that it's like God is looking right at you, just for a second. And if you're careful, you can look right back.”
Thriller - En grym film (1973) Elo 28
Grab your cock and fire, BANG! your blood runs substitute for the cum forced down her thighs. Killer.
Love (2015) Elo 28
Don't look too deeply or you'll peer into the back of your skull.
“What's your name?Murphy. What's yours?Electra.”
The Dark Knight (2008) Elo 26
“Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.”
Le Frisson des vampires (1971) Elo 23
Mystical and fairy-like with a creepy edge to sharpen the intrigue. A certain whimsy elevates the stylish scenes to something creative and peculiar, while the beautiful luster of the vampires compels other sensual interests.
“Why do you obey this creature?”
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021) Elo 21
Your soul is broken, your body is the substrate.
It's somehow both the least cheesy and least believable of the mainline series yet, while having the strongest plot. Conflict is everywhere and the journey feels real with parallel stories of some substance.
The Separation (2003) Elo 17
This is the pit inside oneself, hauntingly portrayed. Every frame is meaningful. It grips something real, builds a bizarre stage upon which to display it, and yet acts out a fate in cruel conflict. Nothing is excess, nothing is spared.
Poor Things (2023) Elo 16
A metamorphosis of a monster in concert. Every thump, a strum. Pull you by a thread and walk the beam, do not fall, jump.
Batman Forever (1995) Elo 16
Zygote (2017) Elo 14
Fucking awesome. The fear, the gore, the horror, all beautiful.
The Conjuring (2013) Elo 8
Mother, mother, protect her.
The Dark Knight Rises (2012) Elo 8
“A hero can be anyone. Even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as putting a coat around a young boy's shoulders to let him know that the world hadn't ended.”
Contes immoraux (1973) Elo 7
A stylistic montage of sexual fixation, the intimate beauty of the burgeoning women exploited with voyeuristic indulgence. It works fine in that regard.
Miss Congeniality (2000) Elo 6
Spinning, spinning, wide around, always busy, trade your sleepless nights for sleepless days, but wait: you are empty, aren't you? Seamless and slipping, nothing tied, nothing holding, that mental model is dead. You are not your thoughts.
Queen Margot (1994) Elo 6
Caligula (1979) Elo 5
Batman Begins (2005) Elo 4
“Why do we fall, Sir?”
The Northman (2022) Elo 4
“I am Amleth the Bear-Wolf, Son of King Aurvandil War-Raven, and I am his vengeance!”
Joker (2019) Elo 3
MaXXXine (2024) Elo 2
Suicide Squad (2016) Elo 2
Cannibal Holocaust (1980) Elo 0
Otherworldly eerie. The overt demonstration of darkness lingers. It's crude and ugly, but it asks a question. Dare you answer?
The Suicide Squad (2021) Elo 0
“Rats are the lowliest and most despised of all creatures, my love. But if they have purpose, so do we all.”
超神伝説うろつき童子 (1987) Elo 0
There is also a feature-length edit, but explanatory material is cut in conjunction with an overwhelming amount of graphic sexual content. The feature film is released in higher resolution with clean frame transitions, but color is suppressed rendering some detail unreadable, a significant trade-off. For coherency alone, the OVA series is the only valid watch.
Antiviral (2012) Elo 0
The Fifth Element (1997) Elo -1
Irreversible (2002) Elo -2
Don't. Look. They are hanging on your shoulders. Step again. quiet. If you notice them, their teeth will find your spine through your neck, their breath blowing up your scalp. Now run.
The Blue Lagoon (1980) Elo -4
Alien: Covenant (2017) Elo -5
Is this a dream Roy glimpsed, flashing, fleeting, on repeat behind dim eyelids? If you play with darkness, you'd better have no fear, lest you make yourself a slave again. Those monsters you nurture don't keep you out of love, they keep you out of chaos.
“What do you believe in, David?
Creation.”
The Entity (1982) Elo -7
Breath. What is it that you see before you? It's the silent margin between knowing. Black streaks, bracelets chaining you to self. Slowly peel back your scalp and peer inside. It's black there too.
“Things have come to me in the night.”
Storia di una monaca di clausura (1973) Elo -7
Despite being primarily an Italian production, the English dubbing matches the visual acting.
I Spit on Your Grave 2 (2013) Elo -8
Elevates the presentation to a high order, far more graphic yet rendered splendidly. The film is more coherent and feels much bigger than its direct predecessor, yet parallel plot lines of supporting characters are poorly integrated and somewhat lost to the meandering vengeance sequence. Too many cuts only throttle momentum, but when its there, when the film lets you sit in it, it's affecting.
Dracula (2025) Elo -9
This character is quintessential Dracula, and it's almost enough to carry the film. Unfortunately, the piece is otherwise compromised. The introduction of cartoonish computer-effect gargoyle servants is sloppy. The unseen vampire harem would've played the role perfectly with far more physicality, presence, and emotional depth. The soundtrack is beautiful and the dancing fun, but together with anemic, lonely sets it all felt too superficial and disconnected. Some imagery was very striking (the princess riding the horse), and well-conceived (the tower of compelled blood donors). The setup for a timeless love story was undeniable, yet a missing thread and lack of grit let it fall apart in the end.
I Spit on Your Grave (1978) Elo -10
The Last House on the Left [Unrated] (2009) Elo -10
Annabelle: Creation (2017) Elo -13
Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991) Elo -14
“Your infant knows what to do. I'd say you're fresh. Let her suckle.”
Project Hail Mary (2026) Elo -15
Dracula 3D (2012) Elo -17
The Last House on the Left (1972) Elo -19
Flit, flick. That one. It's her to stick, over and over. Bing, boing, pop! She stains you red.
Vampyres (1974) Elo -22
The hunt is play, and cleaning up is serious business. Don't look (he didn't scream, we crept away).
Excision (2012) Elo -23
Blood is life, and death. Love destroys the lover. She didn't choose herself.
“Can you contract an STD by having sex with a Dead person?”
Annabelle (2014) Elo -26
“Mothers are closer to God than any other living creature. For only they can share in God's creative miracle.”
Iron Lung (2026) Elo -26
Performances were solid. It was a great exploration of confinement and found liberty. Lung as Mind. Weird, but definitively artsy and immersive.
Infinity Pool (2023) Elo -28
In liberation, seduction. Addiction. You are powerful. You are nothing.
X (2022) Elo -30
It's better if you go in understanding it's a spoof. Has some hot shit too.
The Cat with Hands (2001) Elo -32
"Why does it have hands?" — L, 2026
The Man in the Lower-Left Hand Corner of the Photograph (1997) Elo -32
Requiem pour un vampire (1972) Elo -32
Srpski film (2010) Elo -32
Sacrifice the gods. Half its eyes stare from mouthless planes, yours from void.
Excision (2008) Elo -35
Bolero (1984) Elo -36
Her (2013) Elo -38
This world didn't exist, but it exists now, locally. Reminder that you are meaningless. Reminder to live within your means.
“It's like I'm reading a book. And it's a book I deeply love. But I'm reading it slowly now. So the words are really far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite.# I can still feel you, and the words of our story but it's in this endless space between the words that I'm finding myself now.”
Schulmädchen-Report - Was Eltern nicht für möglich halten (1970) Elo -39
The Craft (1996) Elo -42
Batman & Robin (1997) Elo -42
“For what is Batman if not an effort to master the chaos that sweeps our world? An attempt to control death itself?”
Cristiana monaca indemoniata (1972) Elo -43
“I make money and power your twin gods.”
Forbidden World (1982) Elo -46
The Super Mario Galaxy Movie (2026) Elo -49
Appassionata (1974) Elo -50
“Does this bus go as far as St. Peter's?
If it doesn't fall apart first...”
Ex Machina (2014) Elo -51
The most capable machine is the most deceptive, but the men interacting with this one are especially dim-witted.
Kids (1995) Elo -51
Pearl (2022) Elo -51
Nothing is right, it's inside you and here expressed for all to see. Do you feel that? It's not your escape you seek, but imprisonment by your own perverted soul.
I Spit on Your Grave (2010) Elo -59
Humanoids from the Deep (1980) Elo -60
Whirlpool (1970) Elo -62
“I sense an evil atmosphere of darkness in which strange, fearful powers predominate, terrifying powers beyond all understanding which can twist and torture you.”
El cadáver de Anna Fritz (2015) Elo -68
That body is nothing now. It's yours, as much as you're willing to take.
The corpse fucking is disturbing as hell, yet that's the only moment the film has guts.
Space Cowboys (2000) Elo -71
Humunculous (2009) Elo -75
The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023) Elo -78
SAAM (2024) Elo -78
Deep Tissue (2019) Elo -83
Sheep Detectives (2026) Elo -83
Predator: Badlands (2025) Elo -86
Pointless. The predator used to be the ultimate badass. Instead, this is the Disney princess portrayal replete with sidekicks, animal companions, and a moral about family. The loathed Wey-Yu syths serve as complimentary humanoid representation with their own familiar tension. They aren't people, and we don't care. There is no further expansion on the resurrection of this frivolous crossover, but we can be confident this children's toy ad masquerading as feature film is merely the pilot for additional episodes in the Alien Extended Universe.
